October 16, 2019

Slow Cooked PAX at the Annex

THE SCENE: Cool and clear, you only need a jacket if you weren’t about to get to work!

F3 WELCOME & DISCLAIMER

WARM-O-RAMA:
20 x SSH
20 x Imperial Walkers
40 x Arm Circles (20 forward, 20 reverse)
20 x Hillbillies
10 x Super slow Daisy Pickers (they call this foreshadowing)

THA-THANG:
Too often when we do high rep exercises, we do them very quickly, not extending our selves to the full positon, and not holding those positions (The S in BOMBS should stand for sloppy). Our muscles are engaged less than half the duration of the rep, letting gravity and inertia do some of the work for us. Doing exercises slowly forces constant muscle engagement, and allows for perfect form, and a more intense workout despite outward appearances. According to my eyeballing, thangs usually have about 500-700 reps in them. This workout only uses 150 (Excluding Warm-o-rama, wall sits and small moseys)! And so, to remedy this and to commemorate the start of slow cooker season (a chicken tortilla soup is in the crock as I write this), tha thang will be written in the form of a recipe! I’ve even included a long exposition paragraph at the beginning that doesn’t give you any instructions. You’re reading it now!

Slow Cooked PAX

Beautiful Nerds read Alt Text.

Ingredients


  • 10 PAX (1 of which is a QIC, 1 is a Kotter, and 1 AOQ. Some may be purple-ish imports from Texas, and that’s fine)
  • Soft Playground Flooring
  • Steps near something to hold onto for balance
  • A wall
  • A short loop of pavement
  • A playground with plenty of spots for inverted rows
  • A speaker with a slow bpm, but upbeat playlist featuring songs about slowing down.
  • Salty comments to taste

Method


  1. Explain to PAX that slow is the name of the game and mosey to soft playground.
  2. Fire up the Playlist to set the mood. I begin with “Slow Ride” by Foghat.
  3. Subject PAX to Volt 45s. Volt 45s is a decontructed sit up, much in the vein of a Colt and Bolt 45. Start at 45° from the ground, and slowly bring the angle up to 90° and back down to 45° for 15 reps, then from 0° to 45° for 15 reps, then from 0° all the way up to 90° for 15 reps. The count is a very slow “UP…2…3…4…DOWN…2…3…<Rep #>” as 1 rep. 1 rep should take about 10 seconds.
  4. Stir the PAX by moseying them through the loop and ending up at the steps.
  5. Have PAX perform 20 slow calf raises, using the same count as the Volt 45s, making sure PAX raise as much as they can, and descend as slow as their ankles will allow. Hold the last few positions extra long.
  6. Mosey to wall for a Wall sit through a song of Q’s choosing. 1 minute ON, 30 seconds OFF, for the entirety of “Can’t Hurry Love” by Phil Collins in our case.
  7. Stir PAX again through the loop to the playground.
  8. Perform 20 Tempo merkins (slow 123 down, up on 4) and 20 Tempo Inverted Rows.
  9. Stir PAX again through the loop to the playground.
  10. Repeat Step 3’s Volt 45s, keeping an eye on the time so as to leave thyme for roseMARY and not overcook the PAX.
  11. Garnish at PLC with Nanners.

MARY:
Welp, I left it on Volt 45 too long. No mary, but the PAX slow mosey’d back to startex at 6:15. Gotta let that meat rest at the end!

COUNT-OFF & NAME-O-RAMA
10 PAX – Gun show, Gomer, Speedy (AOQ) , Grimace,  Sonic, Tremor, Big Green, Iceberg, Standard Deviation (Welcome Back Kotter!), and Roomba (QIC)

CIRCLE OF TRUST/BOM:
Find the things that make you distinctive as a HIM in your family and community and do not compromise them. Introspection and Threat Detection are key in this.

MOLESKIN:
I’m excited for the wind to be back at Ye Olde Annex! The sun gone done and left though, so I’m gonna have to get some head lamps before I feel comfortable running the mile loop (for a given level of feeling comfortable while running 😛 ). Everyone was a little skeptical about this slow idea at first (YHC included), but I was impressed at just how effective it could be. I’ve done Doracides that didn’t kill me this much the next day. Mumblechatter topics include: “Why are Roomba’s counting schemes always so complicated?” and “Where is Slots moving to, anyway?”. Props to the M for the inspiration.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
This is Slots’s Last week before he goes to Jackson/ Louisville/ Nashville/ Kathmandu/ New Netherlands. He’ll be back at the Ruins Thursday, Qing Levee on Friday, and I think Mothership on Saturday. Say goodbye to the diceman.
We’re also still launching Tupelo. Get out there and show Birthplace how Graceland gets it done.