March 29, 2018

Opening Day 2018 at The Morg

First thing’s first. 

This is the day we’ve been waiting for since October 1st, 2017. You know, the last St. Louis Cardinals game that counted (a woeful loss to the woeful Brewers). Today is Opening Day 2018. All 30 teams are slated to play on Day 1, the first time all teams have played on Opening Day since 1968! Or they were, but then WSN@CIN and PIT@DET chickened out – they need “ideal” playing conditions I guess. Here at F3, we just post regardless and play on concrete if necessary. 

YHC rolled up to the Morg at 0519. Lots of cars already in the lot. They said it would never work here. They were wrong. 

First order of business was to check out the baseball field. For Opening Day, I planned to use the diamond and the outfield. We’ve had a light to moderate amount of rain the past few days. Well, for all the things they do right in Bartlett (schools, municipal services, etc – or so I’ve heard), they’ve really screwed the pooch on draining the Morg. Walking through the grass to the field, I knew we were in trouble – very soggy. I stepped on the infield – TURBL. My foot sank 3 inches. So, I Omaha’d (internally) and picked out a square-ish piece of parking lot for our diamond. We didn’t PPD nothin! 

Walking back to my car, I see a gaggle of ruckers shedding their burdens at their cars. I should’ve expected this, but Choker (aka yankeestom) gets out of his truck wearing a Yankees jersey. Whose jersey? We’ll never know, because the Yanks think going without nameplates is classic (it’s actually just dumb). It’s pretty safe to assume it was a Kevin Brown jersey from the 2004 ALCS, when he had a 21.60 ERA in 3.1 IP vs the Red Sox. You know, since Choker was wearing it. Yankees blew a 3-0 series lead, which opened the door for the Red Sox to crush the (then) hapless Cardinals in the World Series. 

Anyway….It was about time to get started. Since every at-bat needs walk-up music, please play this on repeat for the remainder of this BB (Cobains for the explicit language – there is a clean version, but this music video features our great city, so I had to do it.) I’m betting this will be a walk-up staple this season all across America.

F3 WELCOME & DISCLAIMER: yes, of course

SSH x19 (that’s to celebrate nineteen National League Penants for the Cardinals)
Daisy Pickers (sans ear flair) x19 (the celebration continues)
Imperial Walkers x11 (that’s to celebrate eleven World Series titles)
Hillbilly’s x11
Mosey around lot to keep the heart pumping. By then, YHC’s eyes had adjusted to the gloom and another, fancier ball field appeared. PAX did some overhead claps while I check the gate. Locked!
Continue mosey to our concrete diamond.

High knees to imaginary 1B – butt kickers to imaginary 2B – carioca to imaginary 3B – carioca facing the other way to Home.

This is what was supposed to come next:
Foul poles – Mosey to LF foul pole, fast mosey the curve of the OF wall to RF foul pole, then make a bee-line for the LF foul pole and sprint back. Repeat.

Instead, we ran backwards to the end of the lot and sprinted frontwards back to the start. Repeat.

Tired of Drake? Here’s Yadier Molina’s walk-up song from last season. It’s ten minutes long. I don’t speak Spanish, but assuming another Cobains for language. Did you know – Molina is currently the longest active tenured player with his original club – 14 years. 

The Cycle – PAX were split into 4 groups and took their respective bases. All groups started at the same time and stayed together the whole time. 
Home: 10 burpees, bear crawl to 1B
1B: AMRAP Squats. When the Home group reaches first, 1B group lunge walks to 2B.
2B: AMRAP big boy sit-ups. When relieved, broad jump to 3B. 
3B: AMRAP merkins (this one was hated the most). When relieved, steal (sprint) home.

It was during the first rotation that YHC eyes further adjusted to the Gloom, and I noticed still ANOTHER baseball field behind the first! Obviously, I didn’t do my homework. We’ll assume that field was also too juicy for us, cause we were already all-in on the concrete. 

We made one full rotation, then it was trivia time. Fifteen Cardinals have hit for the cycle; name one. If no one got it, the penalty was severe. Thankfully, someone shouted “Stan Musial” and we avoided disaster.

We made a second full rotation – trivia time! Name another cycle-hitter. Lots of mumbling/grumbling. A couple incorrect guesses. YHC was about to call time when Choker shouted out, “Joe Torre!” Yes, the great manager was once a great Cardinal hitter. This gorgeous picture is proof. There are lots of examples of fine uniform design and wear – this is an exceptional one.

We had time for a third Cycle, but we shortened the Home burpees to 5 and YHC lovingly encouraged the PAX to move their tuchuses so we could finish in time. 

Who were the other 13 Cardinal cycle-hitters? Cliff Heathcote, Jim Bottomley, Chick Hafey, Pepper Martin, Joe Medwick, Johnny Mize, Bill White, Ken Boyer (twice), Lou Brock, Willie McGee, Ray Lankford, John Mabry, and Mark Grudzielanek. 

What was our penalty going to be? The “crowd pleaser.” Look it up in the exicon. 

45 second plank

14 (no FNGs)

YHC encouraged the PAX to constantly reevaluate your priorities, and to make sure how you spend your time aligns with those. 
Prayers for a family who recently lost a baby, and for Cello who recently lost a friend.

A goal of mine this year will be to construct a workout that will smoke Granola and Slots. I may have to find a way to pit them against each other. T-CLAPS to Zima for working hard, and Moana for doing one-sided sit-ups because he has a massive contusion on his right butt cheek.
By the time I finished writing all of this, the Cardinals lost 9-4 to the New York Metropolitans, but they also signed Greg Holland. Let’s call it even for now.

King of the Bluff is Monday and Tuesday, 4/2-4/3. Winner gets a sweet flag. Also, if we hit 60 Monday, Gus will do 200 burpees in the sand at the Sandlot (he hates sand). He’ll increase it by 100 for every additional 10 PAX. Don’t let us down – post!