June 29, 2018

Math is Hard

THE SCENE: Remember when you were a little kid and would act up in church and your mom would come down on you, half-whispering/half-growling with her hot, GrapeNuts Flakes-scented breath? No? Just me? Well, trust me- it was unpleasant. Much like the weather on Wednesday.

No sign of the Creeper Van. Disappointing, as that was 85% of the reason for YHC traveling to Barflett. Oh well. Might as well make the PAX sweat.

F3 WELCOME & DISCLAIMER: YHC was eloquently succinct, yet thorough.

Plank Jacks IC x 10
Mountain Climbers IC x 10
Cobra Squats IC x 10

***INTERRUPTION: FNG rolled up three minutes late. He posted because the ladies of FiA EH’d him. Appreciate them scratching our backs, but they need to know we start at 5:30, not 5:33. Typical women.***


WARM-O-RAMA (cont’d):
Plank Jacks IC x 10
Mountain Climbers IC x 10


– PAX ran around exterior fence of tennis courts, pausing at each end for either Merkins or Squats
– Reps ascended or descended at each end, always adding up to seven
– No stop the first lap around the courts in order to begin with seven and work our way down to zero on the last lap
– NOTE: math is hard (apparently)

 – CrossFit Merkins at one end … SPRINT TO OPPOSITE CURB … Pickle Pounders on other end (eye contact allowed, but not encouraged)
– Ladder down from 10, reducing reps by two each round

 – R1: P1 does Groiners/Carolina Dry Docks/SSH while P2 side shuffles to opposite curb and back … then flapjack
 – R2: P1 does Derkins/LBC/Mountain Climbers while P2 backward moseys to opposite curb and back … then flapjack

Hello Dolly IC x 15
Flutter Kicks IC x 15
Freddy Mercury IC x 15
Rosalita IC x 15

12 dudes  hung out: Commie, Part Timer, Orange Julius, Wall Builder, Sleep Number, No Fuego, O’Reilly, Choker, Woodpecker, Soulja Boy, Helen Keller (FNG), Captain Obvious (QIC)

CIRCLE OF TRUST/BOM: Doing hard things means sometimes you have to wade into the messes of life. YHC typically avoids confrontation at all costs, seeking balance and peace. However, a recent situation forced a confrontation/intervention. The PAX were encouraged, as HIMs, to run toward the fight instead of away from it, to seek what is right instead of what is comfortable. Never easy, always worth it.

MOLESKIN: Can I be real with you? The PAX at the Morg are not great at math. Suggestion for future Qs: bring an abacus if you want them to add up anything past five. It was not an encouraging start, but we prevailed. Choker, taking his life in his hands, approached a beast of man from the rear prior to Startex to invite him to participate in the pain. The man removed his studio-grade noise-cancelling headphones and declined the AOQ’s solicitation. Probably a good thing (for now). Commie, The Juice and Peckerwood were beasts all morning. Those dudes got after it. Soulja Boy attached himself to Helen Keller (FNG), pushing and encouraging him throughout the duration of the beatdown (#HIM). Part Timer was a full time stud (FTS) during partner work. Wall Builder and Sleep Number competed against themselves all morning with #DFQ attitudes (TCLAPS). No Fuego was the fittest dude in Bartlett that morning … and also the most cunning, doing his best to lure the PAX to Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch next week for the launch of the Arlington AO (and KotB competition). Helen Keller kept moving. Welcome, brother! Choker almost broke his ankle. He should talk to Commissioner Monster about ridding the Morg of uneven surfaces. What else is he doing all day from his ivory tower of political power?

Bill Pullman (Soybean) and Will Smith (Phat Pat) will be saving the Mothership from aliens during the Independence Day convergence.