September 25, 2019


THE SCENE: 69°. Nice. I peddled up in the midst of a few WolfPAX enjoying a private Gloom Horn concert by the maestro Billy Blanks. As I engaged my kickstand and joined the pack, the last remaining notes of this impromptu recital filled the air (mental note: if BB invites me to dinner on a Tuesday night, politely decline. Judging by the smell of the GH, the Blanks household apparently elects to indulge in a meal of burnt hair and cabbage instead of the traditional American Taco Tuesday feast).


– SSH IC x 15
– Plank Jacks IC x 15
– Seal Jacks IC x 15
– Chilly Jacks IC x 15

THA-THANG: We moseyed to the “BIG FIELD” behind the school and prepared to participate in Lobocides. Google it. Four lines of cones were strategically placed +/- 25 yards apart. We did seven rounds of suicides, with a different Mode of Transportation (MOT) each round. Each time the WolfPAX crossed the starting line, they performed that round’s exercise (obviously).

Round 1: 5 Burpees (MOT = run)
Round 2: 10 BBS (MOT = backwards run)
Round 3: 15 Merkins (MOT = carioca)
Round 4: 20 Bonnie Blairs (MOT = run)
Round 5: 15 Shoulder Taps (MOT = backwards run)
Round 6: 10 Groiners (MOT = carioca)
Round 7: 5 Burpees (MOT = run) NO TIME. THERE’S NEVER ANY TIME.

MARY: 5 Burpees, because we didn’t finish the last round of Lobocides.

COUNT-OFF & NAME-O-RAMA: An actual #BakersDozen of Wild Wolves: Hot-n-Ready, Charles Eduardo Cheese, Ike, Shoelaces, Shag (yeah, baby), Black Diamond, Landline, Willam Blanks, Stretch Armstrong, Slots, Oscar, Blart, Cpt. Obvious (QIC)

CIRCLE OF TRUST/BOM: Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” – The homie Charles “In Charge” Swindoll

MOLESKIN: We did our work on the “BIG FIELD” today, which had apparently been lined for soccer notasport by one of the Riverdale Elementary School kindergarten classes, underscoring the fact that no one cares about the sport. Shout out to Landline for posting this morning. He was the only member of the WolfPAX that left BC to go pick up his M and newborn from the hospital. Tell us again why you fartsacked. Slots brought pumpkin spice cold brew ladydrink for coffeeteria. Thankfully, he had announced earlier that Chuck E. Cheese would be taking over as AOQ next week. What a tragic mistake to make on his last day in power. His legacy will forever be tarnished.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Plant Tupelo, if you want. Also, Slots is quitting F3 to move to [redacted] to begin training to lead the resurrection of the NWO Wolfpack. Look for him to begin making appearances on WWE’s Monday Night Raw in Q1 of 2020.