June 14, 2018

Cordova Curb Stomped

QIC: Your Mom

THE SCENE: 74° and stupid muggy. But The Annex (stage name: The Turd) was as cool as the other side of the pillow. Of course, that could’ve been the buzz YHC got from finishing off that almost empty bottle of Wild Turkey that was found while waiting on the PAX to arrive. WASTE NOT/WANT NOT. Slots actually showed up on time. Barney was there early. Billy Blanks was there, choosing his F3 brothers over the kickboxing grannies he sometimes hangs with in the Gloom. Despite living onsite, Speedy was not there. Reportedly, he was up too late at some sort of Magic the Gathering Rave in Phat Pat’s basement. Check out the D&DPokemon Channel on Slack if that sort of 2ndF scratches your itch, Steve Urkel.


SSH IC x 15 (obviously)
Hillbillies IC x 15
Shoulder Taps IC x 15
Shoulder Press IC x 15
Overhead Claps IC x 15
Seal Jacks IC x 15

THA-THANG: Curb Stomped: An ascending Bear Crawl + Merkin ladder that turned boys to men, Sad Clowns to HIMs and Barney to Andy

– Begin at Curb 1 and Bear Crawl to Curb 2 (exactly 34 yards away)
– Once at Curb 2, perform 1 Incline Merkin (Inerkin?)
– Bear Crawl back to Curb 1, perfrorm 2 Inerkins
– Repeato, adding 1 Inerkin at each curb until PAX reached a count of 10

***INTERMISSION: One Mile Bataan Death March (Indian Run w/PAX at back of line dropping and performing 10 Merkins)***

– Descend the Curb Stomped Ladder, starting at 10 Inerkins
– PAX used Lunge Walks as MOT for reps 10-6, then Bear Crawled reps 5-1

Freddie Mercury IC x 15
Rosalita IC x 15
Dealer’s Choice (Barney): Flutter Kicks IC x 15

Five alive: Slots (of course), Billy Blanks, Barney, Neckbrace (FNG), Captain Obvious (QIC)


Passion for our work* is not usually a subterranean volcano waiting to erupt. It is a plant that needs to be cultivated. It is a muscle that gets strengthened a little each day as we show up – as we do what is expected and then some.

-John Ortberg, The Me I want to Be

 *Also applies to spiritual health, fitness, leading your family, etc.

It was good to get back in the QSack after a few weeks off. We did a lot of Bear Crawls this morning, approximately 510 yards to be exact. The PAX were generally enthusiastic about the challenge. Neckbrace, who experienced F3 for the first time today, came because of an invitation from Cheesesteak. Neckbrace assumed that Cheesesteak would join him at the Annex (as Sponsors are apt to do), because he was told … and I quote … “I’ll see you in the Gloom.” However, Pastor Cheese instead Fartsacked*, leaving his FNG all alone. Empty promises. Classic clergy move. Barney entertained the PAX during relentless Bear Crawling with tales of him and Speedy chasing down criminal punks on foot in tall grass behind the Collierville Walmart, a ringing endorsement for how F3 can improve one’s performance on the job. I’m sure when Speedy relayed this story to Phat Pat last night, he received 7,000 Troll Spirit Orbs or whatever nerd currency is exchanged at this sort of soirée. To each his own, dear readers. To each his own.

We deliberately announced nothing.

*Sources say he was actually on Q at the Lair, but no physical evidence exists.