Choker’s Smoker

THE SCENE:
Slightly overcast and 70 degrees.  There had been warnings of possible thunderstorms, but thanks to another fine performance by Backseat on Weather Q, all was clear until after the workout.

F3 WELCOME & DISCLAIMER
I am not a professional. You are not paying to be here.  If you do wish to pay me, the only currencies I accept are sweat and tears.  All commands are suggestions; modify as necessary.

WARM-O-RAMA:
Stealing a great idea from Shoestring’s excellent Q School, we started off with 20 SSH; 10 In Cadence and 10 In Silence.  PAX were advised that there would be a penalty for not finishing together.

• SSH x20 (10 IC, 10 IS)
• Burpees x10 (thanks, Jasmine)
• SSH x20 (10 IC, 10 IS)
• Burpees x10 (thanks, Orange Julius)

At this point I was A) worried we’d never get to Tha Thang, and B) losing my ability to maintain a steady cadence.  Let’s move on.

• Daisy Pickers x15 IC
• Imperial Walkers x15 IC
• Mosey to Heartbreak Ridge

THA-THANG:
The Turd is a great AO.  Huge open field, large parking lot ideal for a good Capri Lap, small playground with various instruments of torture, great path for running/rucking, etc.  There’s also a little hill leading from the parking lot up to the playground area.  The problem with that hill is that it does not suck enough.  Luckily, there’s another much steeper slope on the far side of the playground leading down to another open field in front of the church next door.  It’s basically a grass ladder. That one sucks plenty, and I hereby dub it “Heartbreak Ridge”.

Part 1
11’s is a great routine where you alternate between two exercises with the total number of reps always equaling 11.  I knew I wanted to lead this routine today, but wasn’t sure which exercises would use.  Then the Sky Q solved my quandary by  sending Soulja Boy to post on GroupMe requesting that there be no burpees today.  Thanks, Soulja Boy!

• Bottom of HR – 10 burpees.  Top of HR – 1 BBSU.
• Bottom of HR – 9 burpees.  Top of HR – 2 BBSU.
• …
• Bottom of HR – 1 burpee.  Top of HR – 10 BBSU.

At some point during this part, mumblechatter decreased to the point that I started wondering if I’d accidentally posted at the Berm.  Turns out that inability to breathe has a direct influence on ability to speak.  PAX that finished early were encouraged to choose an exercise and keep moving until all in.

Part 2
What’s better than 11’s?  More 11’s!

• Bottom of HR – 10 merkins.  Top of HR – 1 squat.
• Bottom of HR – 9 merkins.  Top of HR – 2 squats.
• …
• Bottom of HR – 1 merkin.  Top of HR – 10 squats.

One challenge in Qing at the Turd is that it is home to a couple of PAX that are incredibly difficult to smoke.  I was worried that Slots and Speedy were running out of things to do while the rest of us finished the round, so early finishers were encouraged to repeat the last round of 1/10 with the Six.

Part 3
Mosey to big field by parking lot and line up at one end.  PAX were partnered up for a round of Catch Me If You Can.  Partner 1 did 5 BBSU while Partner 2 moseyed backwards across the field.  Upon completing the BBSU, Partner 1 sprinted to catch up.  Flapjack and continue.

It soon became apparent that we were going to get across the field and back with too much time to spare.  YHC Omaha’d and changed mode of transport from backwards mosey to bear crawls for the return trip.  Much mumblechatter ensued.

As we were finishing up and about to begin Mary, Speedy suddenly darted off towards the walking path.  At first we thought his cop instincts had kicked in and he was about to go racially profile a passerby, but it turned out he was just EHing a jogger.  And successfully!  Speedy and FNG returned to the group just in time to start Mary.  At this point, a look of realization and horror started to slowly spread across the face of our ManeChain holder Jasmine, who immediately booked to his car and peeled out of the parking lot like Marty McFly trying to engage the flux capacitor.

MARY:
Captain Thor 1:4 to 10:40 (one BBSU + 4 American Hammers, increasing each round until final round of ten BBSU + 40 American Hammers)

I chose this exercise because it sounded terrible.  It was.  I also didn’t think it through completely, because it didn’t occur to me that this really needs to be done in cadence.  Luckily Slots is an outstanding AOQ, and he picked me up and called it for us.  We completed the final round as the clock struck 6:15.

COUNT-OFF & NAME-O-RAMA
9 PAX:  Sleep Number, Soulja Boy, Bootheel, Speedy, Bifocals (FNG), Orange Julius, Slots, Choker (QIC), Jasmine (Irish Goodbye)

CIRCLE OF TRUST/BOM:
The men of YHC’s class at church recently decided to start a bible study, and last night was the first meeting.  We did not have a theme yet, but spent the first meeting getting to know each other better by having each man talk about their background and what they hope to get out of the study.  YHC was amazed to learn that almost everyone in the group was, without realizing it, suffering from a part of Sad Clown Syndrome.  Specifically, the lack of deep, meaningful male friendship.  Some of us have known each other for 15-20 years, but never went much past the “I’m fine, how are you” stage.  The PAX were challenged to not assume that their friends who seem fine actually are fine, but to redouble our efforts to headlock these guys and share with them the solution that we have found in F3.

MOLESKIN:
We were having difficulty naming Bifocals until he mentioned that he is a Notasport Referee.
Slots’s backwards mosey is faster than my forward sprint.
Captain Thor is a horrible idea. I will never do it again until the next time I do it again.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Service project after Mothership tomorrow.  See Preblast for deets.
GrowRuck in September.  It will suck and be awesome.  Start preparing now.