iPhone 8 alarm goes off (“Why does Cpt. Obvi still have the dinosaur iPhone 8?”, you ask. Because his boss demanded he lay out the business rationale for getting the iPhone X when the 8 was $300 cheaper. He declined.)
[0500:01] YHC apparently silences previously-mentioned alarm and promptly falls back asleep.
 YHC miraculously wakes up, realizes the danger of his snooze, and turns it up to 11. Obviously, the knob only goes to 10.
[0518:30] YHC is out the door, and down the driveway, on schedule to pull into THE LEVEE at exactly 0529:11. Perfect.
 Walnut Grove Road is closed because of a “downed power line” aka “another Cordova murder”. YHC has to completely backtrack and take the road less traveled aka Germantown Road. Eff.
 AOQ is alerted that WOR may need to start w/o the QIC. AOQ confirms cuz he’s a HIM.
 YHC arrives to find the Houston High School football field locked tight. There goes the weinke. Eff. Modifications began swirling in YHC’s brain.
 YHC pulls truck into parking lot behind football field as AOQ is leading PAX on a mosey from SP. Good timing. Hopped out of the truck to retrieve cones from back of said truck in order to execute on wienke modifications. Cones not in bed of truck. Eff.
 PAX circle the QIC. Welcome to eff three.
F3 WELCOME & DISCLAIMER:
*YHC assumes Halpert did this. Who really knows though?
Halpert apparently led the men in 100 SSH IC. At least that’s what they were all complaining about when we started THA THANG. Speaking of …
1. MODIFIED RED BARCHETTA: PAX at starting point. Then …
- 120-yard dash + 100 SSHs (plank til all in) + sprint back to SP
- 120-yard dash + 75 mountain climbers (plank til all in) + sprint back to SP
- 120-yard dash + 50 LBCs (plank til all in) + sprint back to SP
- 120-yard dash + 25 merkins (plank til all in) + sprint back to SP
- 120-yard dash + 10 burpees (plank til all in) + sprint back to SP
2. PAIN2: PAX begin at Corner 1 (C1). Then …
- Bear crawl to Corner 2 (C2) – 25ish yards … then 25 merkins
- Run to C3 – 25ish yards
- Lunge walk to C4 – 25ish yards … then 25 squats
- Run backwards to starting point (C1) – 25ish yards
- Rinse & Repeat x2 (completed 3 total evolutions of this trash. Originally hoped to do 4. Next time we will need to #dobetter.)
Flutter kicks IC x 15
Freddy Mercury IC x 15
60-sec chill cut plank
COUNT-OFF & NAME-O-RAMA: There were 15 BEASTS in attendance: Plunger, Motel 6, Snowman, Lochte, Rocket Launcher, Nature Boy, Halpert, Hello Kitty, Bill E. Blanks, Backseat, Steinbrenner, Rainbow Warrior, Pronto Pup, La-Z-Boy, Cpt. O (QIC)
CIRCLE OF TRUST/BOM: Taken from Psalm 112 …
Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
MOLESKIN: I’ve rarely been late for F3 workouts, let alone ones I’ve led. At least I made it before Meter Maid, who still hasn’t arrived. Props to Halpert for taking the reins and getting the ball rolling. Props to Steinbrenner for reminding us every 6 minutes he was about to leave for the beach. Props to Billy Blanks for doing Billy Blanks things, like making us straighten our legs. Props to Nature Boy for the ride back to my truck after COT. Props to the BEASTS that showed up that rolled with my punches and welcomed me back after a couple of weeks off. While I don’t fit the description the original genius had in mind when devising the BEASTWEEK Q concept, I was honored to lead the PAX. If they were half as smoked as I was, then we all did pretty, pretty, pretty good work. Long live THE LEVEE. 300 SSH in any workout is dumb. But we did it.
ANNOUNCEMENTS: There was lava java afterwards. RESPECT WEEK is next week at THE LEVEE. Take that for data.